Seeing things differently

I remember praying for the things I have today.

I remember sitting and crying on my sajadah, asking for what I have right now. 

I was a control freak, that I would go berserk if things didn’t go my way. I was easily ticked off and annoyed. I complained a lot and i was rarely at ease. Simply put, i think i was that cranky bitch that everyone secretly hated. Even i hated myself for that. 

I remember feeling sad for some time because things weren’t going my way. For weeks, nothing seemed right. Everything was just wrong. I was batshit lonely and albeit my friends were constantly trying to help me out, I was still lonely. For weeks. 

Until one day, I decided to rest my case. I did what I should’ve done long ago— leave it as it is and hope for the best from the Almighty for He is the Best Planner.

One day, I took a step back and tried to see things from a bigger picture. So many things have changed within the past few weeks and to my obliviousness, these changes are gradually leading me to the answers of my prayers. MasyaAllah. The answers aren't what i asked for per se, but definitely better. I felt instant peace and content once i started counting my blessings. 

I asked for inner peace. I asked for You to ease my pain and struggle and that’s exactly what You gave me, in Your own ways.

I asked for You to help me break my bad habits; You lessened situations that could lead me to my bad habits.

How other people see me is beyond my control but I do feel a lot better about myself. I feel wiser and more in control. 

Thank you for the people You sent me. Thank you for the people You retain in my life. Thank you for the hiccups You put me through. Thank you for the moment of despair You put me through, so I could regain myself. Thank you for these lessons that have made me a much stronger person. Most importantly, thank you for answering my prayers and believing in me.

So friends, if you're going through a hurdle and you feel like you've given your all, take a step back. Start counting your blessings. Start seeing things from a different perspective. Maybe your answers have been answered but you're just too oblivious to notice. 

Good night.