Duit Hantaran

Duit hantaran has been a hot debate on Twitter for a week now. Especially when this video went viral.

Let me just put this on the table: I'm not that well-read or knowledgeable about our Malay culture. I always learn something new about the culture every now and then and the more i do, the more i know that we are actually very profuse in our adat.

If you don't know what a duit hantaran is, it is the money that the groom has to give to the bride's family when they wed. Different than the amount of dowry (mas kahwin) which is fixed by the local council, the amount of duit hantaran is fixed by the bride's family (or the bride herself) as they wish. A dowry is a must in order to get married and a duit hantaran very important (almost a must) in our culture.

The talk of the netizens at present is that ladies with bachelor's degree's rate is RM20,000 because of their level of education. If the groom can't afford it, the least that the groom should provide is RM15,000. Just by observing some girls getting all snobbish and superficial when demanding RM30k for duit hantaran (because she believes that she's worth a lot more than the normal rate), i sigh a little to myself. Ugh, honey, if only you realise that you're priceless and you can't monetize yourself. Not only that you're monetizing yourself, you're torturing your partner too.

Personally, i don't like this culture. Setting a price means monetizing yourself. Really, is RM20k is all you're worth? Even if a guy is paying RM100k as my 'hantaran', is MYR100k all i'm worth? Putting a monetary value to yourself is just plain wrong to me. Putting a price somehow makes me feel like i'm being 'bought' from my family and i certainly don't like feeling objectified.

To each his own, but this is just what i believe in. I'm open to hear your thoughts. rina.ridzwan94@gmail.com.